Monday, January 30, 2012

Rediscovering "US"

****sappy alert****
Well, and some funny parts too.
Matthew and I had a really, really good time at our marriage retreat this weekend.
We've both been super stressed lately with everything:
hour-long commutes from work; busy work schedules;
we ONLY see eachother on the weekends (we are living at home with our own parents)
AND I'm off in lala-land aka wedding-planning world (which the male species really does not comprehend)
ect., ect., ect.

Anyone who says planning a wedding is just the best time in their life is maybe fibbing a bit, because really it's actually a very tense time as well. Yes, yes. It is a very exciting time in life, but there are some major changes taking place, and some major stressors and it really requires a little bit of.. extra determination if you will.

Honestly our communication really hasn't been up to snuff lately. There just isn't a lot of time to talk.
Well we put a big change to that this weekend and I'm so, so glad.

We went to Engaged Encounter, a retreat for engaged couples, which was required (no we did not just seek this out for fun, although it turned out to be awesome) by our Deacon. Two wonderful couples told us about the happiest, and most *challenging* moments in their marriage.

The tagline was "A Wedding is a Day..A Marriage is a Lifetime"
They opened the retreat with this line:

"Gentlemen, she wants to talk to you as much as you want to have sex with her,
that's how important talking is."

They had all kinds of great one-liners coming out of this 75 year-old-couple.
They were hilarious. and Honest. And focused on great communication, and making a 'decision to love,' every single day.

The structure was as follows: The featured couples would share their own experience about a certain topic, ie. finances, intimacy, or family-planning and then each of you had to write out answers to a series of questions pertaining to that topic. Then discuss your answers privately with just each other. There were some heavy topics nonetheless.

We had to talk to eachother about tough things, like in-laws, how we want to raise our children, what elements from our family traditions we want to keep for our own future family, and really which ones we would like to toss. Our own family! on May 19, 2012 we have our own family! We don't even have to have a kid, and we still are a family! ahhhh.

Well, I loved everything about it, but what I found most inspirational is the male from the younger couple had a long line of family history ending in divorce, like myself.

It's my biggest fear, and honestly until I met Matt, who kept telling me over and over "yes it can work, people do make it, It's a choice," I honestly had a lot of doubt that I myself would marry.
It was really comforting to see this. It helps me so much to see a child of divorce (our divorce rates are much higher) that can say

"to hell with those statistics, I'm going to make my marriage work"

and NO, I'm not married yet, I can only hope to get to where these couples have been.
I don't have a clue what marriage is like.
But I do feel inspired, refreshed and closer we've felt in a long time. I feel grounded again. It's not just about the wedding. Yes, I want to have a beautiful wedding, but what happens after that is 1000 x's more important.

oh and we ate really, awful cafeteria food. for every. single. meal. lol.
and met some cool couples too!

here are some pics If I haven't bored you to death and you are still reading:

Our Certificate of completion:

Another certificate which gives us a discount on our marriage license from the State of Texas. Woo hoo! Saving money!

A candle they gave us; we decided to keep it for very special times.

and I couldn't help taking this pic... pretty much because it said Madonna. lol.
always and forever a pop music junkie. :)


Has anybody else been to a great retreat?
If you are looking for one I strongly recommend this one!

and that was a lot, BUT that's all folks!

-Tessy

7 comments:

Emily said...

Great post! Sounds useful for all engaged couples. You didn't mention the camping part. How did that go?

AModernSuburbanitesLife.com said...

ha. It was kind of non-existent. they let people leave for the night if they didnt want to sleep there so we boogied out of there. it was about 20 min away.

Tennille said...

Great post!! We are getting married a week before you guys are... May 12, 2012!

Jamie said...

Great post.

Kayla Boyd said...

That sounds like a lot of fun. Keith and I are going on a retreat with our newly wed Sunday school class in April. We can't wait!

AModernSuburbanitesLife.com said...

aw so fun kayla!

Kristen @ All In My Twenties said...

I just sent the first quote to Christopher! because I like to talk as much as he likes to have sex. SO freakin TRUE! hahaha

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